I'm a control freak.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

"He cares for those who trust in Him." - Nahum 1:7b

"Cast all your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." - Psalm 55:22



I'm a control freak.  There is comfort in saying that.  Not in the way that I would say, "Hi, my name is Erin and I'm a control freak.  It's been 2 minutes since I tried to control someone."  It's more like there is comfort  in the label of being a control freak.  It could even be called a disclaimer, warning others that I'm in control and it's my way or the highway, whether they like it or not.  But how twisted is that!

Most of the time, there is comfort in what we know and for me, being in control is comfortable.  Exhausting, but comfortable.  I mean, really, what would my life look like if I was to really give every piece of my day to God.  Would the dishes still get done?  Would my kids be fed and dressed? Would the appointments be attended on time?  Does giving up control mean God will magically get my work done and give me time to sit with my feet up and read my Bible and sip my coffee while it's still warm?

It would be a lot easier for me to let go if this were true, but it's not.

But what does being in control even mean?  Does it mean that I can control my child's mood?  Do I control the weather?  Do I control the person who, very evidently does not have a child, takes the last parents' parking spot at Wal-Mart?  Do I control when my washing machine breaks down in the middle of a load of towels? No! I really can't and don't control any of those things.

So what is this illusion of control that I have and where does it come from?  Unfortunately, it comes directly from the same crafty serpent who tempted Eve with a piece of fruit.  Satan is still planting all those questions that cast doubt and plant seeds of independence from God today.  And even as I know this, why do I let myself get so wrapped up in "having control"?

All these are questions that I really don't have a very solid answer on...today.  But there is one thing that I do know.  God is in control whether I want to acknowledge it or not.  He's going to be there for me whether I give my day to Him or hold on to it for my own obsession.  And most importantly, He's not giving up on me.  I know His plan for me includes learning how to let go and trust Him fully with all aspects of my life.

And while I don't know, both practically and tangibly, what giving control looks like, I do know that it is a place that I want to be.  Even if my only reason for seeking this today is blind obedience and wanting to give Him the glory of my life, that's still a very good place to be.  As I focus on the verses listed at the top, I know my trust is in the right place.