The Health of My Heart

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
             1 Corinthians 13:4-7


The clock read 11:37pm. The curtains were drawn and everyone was asleep, except my son. He sat in my arms, wrapped in his soft green blanket, smiling. Oh that smile. Cute, but not at 11:37pm.

So many thoughts ran through my head. Why he was still awake? Why is my husband sleeping? Doesn't he know that I have to get up at 6am too? Yes, he has a "real" job, but my "job" gets the kids fed, clothed and keeps them from fighting all day. Plus I have a meeting in the morning. And we need lightbulbs from the store. I get to have coffee tomorrow. Haven't had it four days. Ugh! Why is this child not sleeping.

Them bam! I felt it. That God tap. That reminder of what love is.

It's patient with what comes throughout the day, or night.

It's kind when my child interrupts me because he needs a snuggle.

It's not envious that my husband gets to go to work and talk to adults all day long.

It doesn't boast over how much I do for those I love.

It's not proud at what I've accomplished.

It doesn't push my own selfish "needs" before those that I am trusted to care for.

It doesn't seek to elevate my position.

It doesn't get angry when my plans get changed.

It doesn't keep a record of how many times I've taken the "night-shift" with the kids.

It doesn't get joy out of another mom's struggle.

It always protects.

It always trusts.

It always hopes.

It always perseveres.

It was then that I realized that I hadn't been loving those whom God gave me to love. I was crushed with the overwhelming sense of guilt and repentance at what I had been truly feeling in my heart. This was the health of my heart and I didn't like it.

So I prayed. Prayed for His forgiveness and His help, because it's easy to be the opposite of loving. That part comes naturally.

As I woke today, I was refreshed despite the loss of sleep. But I woke with a different perspective. A God perspecitive. I want the Holy Spirit to guide me in loving all those in my path. This is my prayer.

Have you checked the condition of your heart lately?